We teach what we need to know, right?
Thank you, October, for the smack in the face.
*I must forewarn those of you who have an objection to profanity that this post is full of some of my favorites 4 letter words. I do love a good curse word every now and then. This is me and anything else just wouldn’t be authentic.*
The lessons we need come to us over and over again until we find the truth behind them. Oh Shit.
TWO major issues slammed me in October:
- I had no place to call home.
- And my financial security was fleeting.
Scary stuff. Fucking scary. And during this process, my old friends appeared.
Crappy food: Hi Francesca, good to see you again. Seems like you’re in trouble.
Me: What the hell are you doing here?! Go away, I don’t want to see you!
Crappy food: Oh yes you do. We help you when you don’t feel good remember? We make it all better, don’t worry.
Me: No you won’t, but oh god, you look good. Oh go on, maybe just a little.
Crappy food: So much for all that spiritual work you have been doing! How is that working out for you by the way? Ha-ha.
Me: Shut up, I have made progress, I have!
Crappy food: Really? Then why have you just shoved 3 cookies in a row into your mouth?
Me: Shit, I don’t know. Yes, I do, I am scared. Really scared. I don’t know what to do. I feel alone. I have so much uncertainty in my life right now and I don’t know what my next move is.
Crappy food: Hey, don’t get snippy with me, after all, I am not the one putting the food in your mouth, YOU are.
Me: Ok, fair point. God, I hate that I love you so much sometimes.
Crappy food: You don’t always hate me, do you?
Me: No. Only when I feel weak and out of control.
Crappy food: Why don’t you have another glass of wine. You seem depressed. There you go, Francesca. Just sit back and enjoy.
Me: HOLY SHIT. NO! Seriously, go away!! I need to find another way. All you are is a distraction to my truth. Please, just leave me alone.
Crappy food: (SILENCE)
Me: I am going to Meditate.
Crappy Food: Meditate??? Good luck with that!
Me: Oh, fuck off.
Crappy Food: I AM STILL HERE!!
Me: Oh, so you are, I didn’t see you there. Hello.
Crappy food: What the hell is up with you? You’re different…
Me: Yeah, I know.
Crappy food: What’s changed?
Me: I have let go. You know, surrendered. I checked my ego to the curb again.
Crappy food: Your EGO?
Me: Yes, my ego. I connected with that source greater than myself again.
Crappy food: Ok, well, whatever. Why don’t you have some pizza? That will make you happy.
Me: You may make me happy momentarily, but no, crappy food, YOU WILL NOT bring me peace. I can cultivate that myself. And I don’t need YOU to do that!!! YOU DO NOT MAKE THINGS BETTER!
Crappy food: Yes, Francesca, but I will ALWAYS be here. You know you love me.
Me: But I love myself more. In fact, I am love. And I know that you’ll always be here, but so will I. And every time I am confronted with you in future, I will be a stronger version of myself. So, again, I ask you, this time nicely, please go away.
Crappy Food: (Nothing)
So this was pretty indicative of my October. Food did not win its battle all of the time only some of the time. And somewhere in between, more clarity, more reasoning and more truth made its way into my very essence of being.
So yes, we teach what we need to learn.